the new resolution's year

1. Don't fuck up the Cat internship. 
2. Be nicer to my parents.
3. Start working out again ( =T )
4. Make more decisions.
5. More piano. Way, way more piano. 
6. NO DATING till November 2nd. [aka one year in the pits]
7. Finish lauren's thing?
8. Forgive. 

I know, I know, I know

today i had to tell my boss i wasn't gonna be able to make it to work on friday since i'm leaving early in the morning. not something i wanted to do since i'd promised him cake before i left. 

he was all nice and understanding and told me to take care of myself. 

...

*cries*

DONT MAKE ME LEEEEAAAVVEEEEEE [FLAILS MISERABLY]

Where have you been?

Spent time with the roommates for what will probably be the last time in 5 months. SADNESS. 

been trying to sleep earlier, but failing.

got a lot of new music. blows my mind.

i miss falling asleep listening to the click clack of computer keys. i don't sleep well these days, but to be fair it's just cold. nothing good came out of this. you should have listened to me when i told you nothing would.

aksldjhkaflsdhfa 12:21 already! 

dear chinese parents, no one gives a crap where your kids are going for college. in fact, here is the truth. everyone is as self absorbed as the next, and if you don't care about them, they don't care about you. SO QUIT IT. 

i'm moooooody today. [stares longingly at roommates]

boringness

after two and a half years, and my persistent inflexibility, i'm taking the cartilage piercing out. :( the things i have sacrificed for this! sleeping on one side most nights! pushing the metal back through the flesh! occasional mild infection! which makes me sigh because the more you suffer for something (in this case, an inconvenience?), the more it means to you. (life lesson no.4). 

then today i thought of sub-freezing temperatures. with a small piece of metal. in my ear. 

and then that thing was out faster than .. than... a really, really fast thing. 

 

p.s just discovered the band Empires today, and found out their entire album is free for the taking on their website. given how good they are, this is just. WIN. 

okbye

The Format_ on the porch

I was on your porch, 
The smoke sank into my skin,
So I came inside to be with you,
We talked all night, 
About everything you could imagine,
'Cause come the morning, I'll be gone,
And as our eyes start to close, 
I turn to you and I let you know, 
That I love you. 

Well, my dad was sick,
My mom she cared for him,
Her loving nursed him back to life,
And me, I ran; I couldn't even look at him, 
For fear I'd have to say goodbye.
And as I start to leave, 
He grabs me by the shoulder and he tells me, 
"What's left to lose? You've done enough, 
And if you fail, then you fail, but not to us, 
'Cause these last three years, 
I know they have been hard, 
But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun,
Even if it's alone." 

So now here I sit, 
In a hotel off of Sunset 
My thoughts bounce off Sam's guitar, 
And thats the way it's been, 
Ever since we were kids, but now, 
Now, we've got something to prove,
And I, I can see their eyes, 
Then tell me something, can they see mine? 
'Cause what's left to lose? 
I've done enough, 
And if I fail then I fail but I gave it a shot,
'Cause these last three years I know they have been hard, 
But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, 
Even if it's alone,
(Even if it's alone) 
Even if it's alone. 

I was on your porch last night, 

The smoke, it sank into my skin.

 

 

one of the few songs that brought me close to tears on the first listen.

the kids don't stand a chance

ahhhhh after christmas shopping. on the plus side, i got a shirt with a duck and a teddy bear under an umbrella. on the minus side, .... is there a minus side? how can you go wrong with a duck and a teddy bear? 

 

on another note, i was in j.crew today and they were playing vampire weekend.

oh, and you know what else i wonder: why do the sweetest guys get treated like shit? you know who you are. the only way you could trade is up; you realize this, right? k gnite

In the morning clouds will cover you

In the afternoon the sun is yours.

_the subways

p.s: glasvegas sucks and no amount of pretentious indie "street cred" is going to make me listen to them longer than i have to. nya.

I kissed you in a style Clark Gable would have admired

Why did i just make another blog? Is this my inability to commit again? Geez. 

CAT roommate list is up, and I'm working up the nerve to email them. D: 

Tomorrow's Christmas. So we celebrate the birth of our savior, even though technically He was born around June. What could I possibly say that hasn't already been said a thousand times before? I guess it's just time for some introspection and a quiet prayer of thanks for the love that changed my life. 

Xmas sales have been going on like crazy lately. It's been a tough battle against materialism. It still is, because in the end it's just clothes but it feels like validation. Yeah, I'm a complete Abercrombie girl...actually I might still be working there if I hadn't realized one day, '...you're an engineer. wtf are you doing here?' But I digress. It's easy for me to pass clothes up. Not so much the insecurity over needing them in the first place. 

I dream of summer. All of it. 

I think of the slow pace of summer school and the pages of literature that rustled beneath my fingers. The sun drenched hollows of your skin, the feel of grass between your toes. Hands that smell like sunblock; heavy rainshowers, gone before you realize they were there. When they're done, everything's cool and damp and humid at the same time. The breeze, against your hair and a pale blue sundress. Sand stuck in uncomfortable places and the salt in your hair, lazing on a lawn chair near the sea with a guitar strumming 30 feet away. 

Everything is so blue, so muted blue. Like the quiet afternoons where light filters in the window. And the table countertop is set with ai-yu jelly and vinegared cucumbers. Illinois will be cold.

May summer last a hundred years. 

...Crazy northerners.