WTF?

The thing about the stock market is that, for the average semi-ignorant investor, you're permitted to seemingly make something out of nothing. Out of a few clicks of a button and the money you already had. The cons are that it works the other way, and that there's a price for doing nothing. Every day, you see lost profit. But I guess that's the cost. 

Le vicomte est mort

I intend for this to be a period of speculative learning. If you are better, then you are better. But it does not make you worth more. Don't make me laugh; of course I would choose you ten thousand times over. Comparison is moot. In the meantime, while I am waiting for you to somehow mean less, I'll think I'll open some books. And another one. And then another one.

Just because no one compares to you doesn't mean no one ever will. And until then, fuckin' Ralph Ellison. YOU WILL BE CONQUERED.

yeah

K, fuck this. 

it's 1:42am on a monday night. I don't think so. Holidays are nice and everything but one day of this shit and I'm ready to get back to work. After tomorrow, I'm going back to 10pm curfews and 6am wake ups. ... um. ok maybe 7:00. uhhh 7:30. 

Seriously, I work the entire week to have days as unproductive as today. Today was like Saturday. 

This is ridiculous. Taking back my productivity now. 

cottleston pie!

I've been looking forward to the that crispy, delicious seasoned fried chicken at Love Letter pizza&chicken for four months. It is gonna taste really, really good when I get my hands on you, Mr. bawk bawk. 

In other news, I created a database today for fun because it's strange not doing any work for 8 hours. Ok well it was for a purpose so I can say I needed it? 

Time is of the essence. 

SADFACE. ULTIMATE SADFACE

You guys, I'm sad. And I may have expressed this sentiment in some sort of juvenile whine across all electronic mediums (twitter, aim, blogspot...) some time in the past 6 hours. 

I heard my supervisor argue in a meeting for the first time today. I was like O_O. There was a lot of 'I disagree' and the operators going 'you can disagree but it doesnt change anything' and a snarled 'I'm trying to make this right!!' Guys, he is seriously the most impressive man I've ever met, hands down. Not only that, everyone likes him. Everyone. There is some strange quality about him that makes you think, almost against your will, 'how can I do more for him, even if there is no compensation for me?' It is just weird. My relationship with him has been really awkward, actually. Because I tend to freeze up. But he's pretty much the epitome of the kind of person I want to become in the future..

And THE STACK ATTACK. His real name is Fred Stackley, and onversations with him were incredibly awkward too, now that I think about it. Until the last few months, when I let the sarcasm show up in my voice, and he laughed. And then I was less nervous! Plus he said my dinosaur was a dinosaur, and not a killer chicken. So +1000 points for him. He's young-ish (my brother's age) so for some reason I kinda secretly wanted to drink beer and hang out with him. And be sarcastic. Okay, Supervisor's 27 too, but he's married with a kid. So...less with the wanting to hang out. But yeah, Fred was just, idk. Man, I really liked him. 

Then there's Mustang!fred, who drives the yellow mustang. He was always nice to me... T___T 

I don't get attached to a lot of things, but for those few that slip under the radar, it takes me a really, really long time to let go. But I think if I had 6 more months of this crap, I definitely would not be feeling this emo over it. Ugh, all the awkwardness. SO MUCH AWKWARDNESS, GUYS. 

Still, it was kinda great. To them, we were just another round of interns. But to us, they were part of a team of highly capable men whose presence was all at once intimidating, impressive, and comforting. Kinda like how you're in a room of engineers and you feel strangely safe because you know every one of them can simultaneously school your ass and get shit done.

So, uh. Take your time forgetting us. It'll be slow going on this side of the fence.

Bye bye, Peoria! 

I win.

Man. Usually I try to approach work with a good attitude. And it's not easy; there's a fine art to define being magnanimous and letting someone walk all over you. But our evaluations were done today, and it felt SO GOOD knowing my supervisor rec'ed me for another internship term but didn't rec my coworker. Well, he eventually did after she asked him. But I did not have to!!!

I KNOW, OKAY. It's horrible and petty to feel that way. I won't even try to justify it. But I won't deny that in my head, I was kind of screaming

wOOOOO SCORE ONE FOR THE UNDERDOGGGGGGG!!!!

...

...

I guess it's kind of strange to see me so stoked about something so small. But dang, if you only knew half the stuff I had to put up with. Fact no. 84: Girls are sneaky bitches. And it feels great to have someone not immediately discount the quality of my work because my coworker is more outgoing/both one foot taller and wider than me. (trufax)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I DIDN'T FUCK UP THE INTERNSHIP(that much).

He steps away from his car with a song

There's a cool place here called the Burger Barge. Since Friday was so nice outside, we sat on the benches/patio when we went to lunch. It was really pretty since it's right on the edge of the river. 

• K: what happened to your hands?
• Dan: they got scratched up... I was doing some rough work.
• J: what, from pitching or catching?
• Dan: o_o
• Dan:
• Dan:
• Dan: LOLOLOL

Also nice was looking right and seeing 3 LARGE ducks about 1 foot away from me, begging for food. Like the cute little fat birds that wait outside of moe's at tech square, these were. Unafraid. And then there comes this GIANT BIRD. Seriously, its neck is about a foot long, and it just stares dan down while slowly approaching. 

• K: I am not feeding that bird. It looks like it's fixin' to eat off my plate.

Dan gives it an onion ring. Soon 3 more appear. 

p.s tried vinegar and chips. A+

My apartment is filthy.

Also, resume update fail. Wish I could just staple my monthly reports to the back instead of having to condense it all into four lines. 

Right on the foyer on this dark day

And then it came to me: the perfect word. Taken from Jon Stewart, I will say it in this context: THE ECONOMY AND MARKETS ARE PRETTY MUCH A CATASTROFUCK. I see what you did there, yahoo finance. Of course you took down the giant "Housing markets suck, jobs suck, new econ data shows recession is far from over" within the first 5 minutes you posted it. The dow was up +111, of course you did. I guess I'm being too harsh...if I had hundreds of thousands in equities, I would follow mob mentality too, even if it's just high tier manipulation.

• Dan: my wife had a dream that I was gay. When she woke up, she asked me if I was the pitcher or the catcher. I told her I was both.

I had TGIFriday's today. I said it once, I will say it again: crackburgers. crackburgers and sweet potato crackfries. It was so good, I took one bite and my eyes comically widened.

Oh high schoolers. I forgot how y'all typed and spoke. grargh

Everywhere you go, there you are. What do people really expect to be miraculously solved? 

Is it so hard to get a martial arts teacher around here that isn't. Uhhhh. How do I put this without sounding racist. Well in any case, not sure if I wanna take a class where my friend tells me you had them sparring within two weeks and it was "crazy". Presumably because no one knew what they were doing and were just punching and flailing hoping to make contact. Crazy, alright. (are you out of your mind?) On the other hand, can beggars be choosers? 

And again, I go to bed at an indecently late hour, for no readily discernable reason. Fuck. 

p.s random conversations of the day

It's shut down week but all the processors are still here doing routing changes/clean up. About 5 hours into day two:

• Nick: *is interrupted by a series of loud bangs presumably from the shop floor*
• Nick:
• Nick:
• Nick: ... looks like someone couldn't take it. Poor guy.

• Nick: alright. alright we can do this. ready to tear it up?!? :D
• Andy (incredulously): tear it up? tear it up? do you know what we're doing here? I'm about to tear my hair out D:<

• J: hey what is that smell? it smells like these fluffy white buns called man tou. ^^V
• K: ...that's the ethanol burning.
• J: ...oh

p.s HH: badass because we have our own electric power grid. Until Mama tech center comes, with its bajillion power grids, and then HH turns its tail and walks away. 

From my boat I can see your house

I'm glad I can say 'shit' again. Also glad I don't feel like it very often anymore. 

Due to certain recent developments, I am REALLY REALLY EXCITED. Also, about to be really poor. JEEBUS, SO EXCITED. I GRIN EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT.

I think when I get back, I'm putting an end to most of my t-shirt/baseball cap wearing days. Got too many nicer clothes that are just collecting dust in the closet. +too used to the cool papery feel of dress shirts. 

Dang, missed the gucci watch sale. sadface

T-11 days. OH MY GOODNESS 11 DAYS. You know what this means?! I can finally get my computer reformatted!!!

I'm planning afternoon tea with my mom for mother's day!!! It's going to be Expensive =/ but we can both get dressed up all preppy and crap and eat things with clotted cream, so what the heck. 

Wish the market rally would end already. It's starting to become annoying, waiting for the downfall. 

Today I finally met someone over the phone that I'd been hearing about really often for a while now. He was every bit as interesting as I thought he'd be. Anyway, his laptop got stolen ("dude it got fuckin' ninja'ed!") and he was talking about how he'd actually read a book. (+ like 8 hours on his DS; I liked him immediately) Which got me thinking. How often do I look at the time but ignore how I'm spending it? And then half the stuff I do has no real value at all. I could be reading! Or learning something!!! ==> I'm going computerless once every week. Once I get back from work, anyway. Supervisor wouldn't be too happy. 

He is risen

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. 

 There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. 

 The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." 

 So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

salvation is like a fish-induced BAM

faulty snapshot (12:48:16 AM): dude
faulty snapshot (12:48:21 AM): you know what i really want right this second
faulty snapshot (12:48:28 AM): fish tacos and a beer.
chamele0 (12:50:03 AM): you sound like a pipe smoking sailor
faulty snapshot (12:50:15 AM): soooooo hungryyyyyyyy
chamele0 (12:50:27 AM): haha
chamele0 (12:50:31 AM): ij ust bought fish sticks
chamele0 (12:50:37 AM): good stuff
chamele0 (12:51:32 AM): do you have bread?
faulty snapshot (12:51:45 AM): yuup
faulty snapshot (12:51:50 AM): maybe we can join forces
chamele0 (12:52:08 AM): yes
chamele0 (12:52:13 AM): throw your break to the east
chamele0 (12:52:16 AM): really hard
chamele0 (12:52:17 AM): bread*
chamele0 (12:52:24 AM): and ill throw the fish sticks
faulty snapshot (12:52:30 AM): dude
faulty snapshot (12:52:35 AM): they'll land somewhere in the middle
faulty snapshot (12:52:44 AM): where neither of us can eat it.
chamele0 (12:52:46 AM): and some poor fellow will be really happy.
chamele0 (12:52:51 AM): happy easter
faulty snapshot (12:52:54 AM): hahahahaha
chamele0 (12:52:57 AM): heres some bread and fish sticks
chamele0 (12:53:04 AM): just like jesus did
faulty snapshot (12:53:07 AM): omg
chamele0 (12:53:09 AM): hahahahahaha
faulty snapshot (12:53:13 AM): rofl
chamele0 (12:54:10 AM): man you know we could change someones life
chamele0 (12:54:18 AM): someones out hungry
chamele0 (12:54:29 AM): and then they see bread and fish sticks drop outta the sky on easter
chamele0 (12:54:36 AM): and bam theyre christian

Mixes

No pretentious indie artists; borderline mainstream, even. Music says it better than I ever could.

01. Snow Patrol: Run

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

02. Our Lady Peace: Somewhere Out There

You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there

And all we are
Is oh so far.

03. Dashboard Confessional: Currents

If it is born in flames then we should let it burn
Burn as brightly as we can
And if it's going to end then let it end in flames
Let it burn all the way down

If this ever meant to end,
Then I hope it ends where it began.
So hot with love, it burns our hands.

04. Empires: Under the Bright Lights

Everyone's dressed in the scenery.
I can't stop looking. We blend in.
Everyone's right where they've got to be.
Under the bright lights, I want you.

Where have you been?

05. Kings of Leon: Use Somebody

you know that i could use somebody
you know that i could use somebody
someone like you

and all you know
and how you speak
countless lovers undercover of the street

off in the night,
while you live it up, i'm off to sleep
waging war to shake the poet and the beat

i hope it's gonna make you notice.

06. Explosions in the Sky: First Breath After Coma

[instrumental]

07. Frank Sinatra: The Very Thought of You

The very thought of you and I forget to do
The ordinary things that everyone ought to do.
I'm living in a kind of daydream, I'm happy as a king,
Foolish though it may seem, to me that's everything.

08. Frank Sinatra: You'd be so Easy to Love

You'd be so easy to love
So easy to idolize all others above
So worth the yearning for
So swell to keep every home fire burning for

And we would be so grand at the game
Carefree together that it does seem a shame
That you can't see your future with me
'Cause you'd be, oh, so easy to love.

09. The Subways: Strawberry Blonde

If we find the light and turn it into ourselves
They will hunt us down like animals
In the morning clouds will cover you, oh well
In the afternoon the sun is yours.

Tell me, yeah, sing your song
For my lonely soul.

10. Boys Like Girls: Hero/Heroine

I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart
You want to get inside
Then you need to get in line
But not this time

Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroin(e).

11. Acceptance: So Contagious

Oh, when I'm around you I'm predictable
Cause I believe in loving you at first sight
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to
To take a hold of you

Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously.

12. Imogen Heap: The Walk

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.

13. Tal Bachman: She's So High

But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen

'Cause she's so high
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
She's so high, high above me

14. Aqualung: Strange and Beautiful

I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart
Unseen

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me

I know that waiting is all you can do, sometimes.

15. Dave Matthews Band: The Space Between

You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

16. Maria Taylor: Xanax

Afraid of my heart that beats too slow
Or that I died and just didn't know
Or of a fate I will have to choose
And I'm afraid of how much I love you

There's just a time when we must all let go of that that we hold
There's just a time when we must all let go of that that we hold
With not being known, we'll have to go

It's just now that I've found a place where I can breathe
It's just now that I've found a place where I can sleep

Link to download: http://www.box.net/shared/38r4kj9odr

Glimpses into the glamorous life

"This is so not ergonomically designed," Janet muttered as she pried open the can of pineapple chunks with a spoon handle. 

No matter which way you go

Sure, I feel jealousy from time to time. 

But I can only be myself.

And I think I'd rather have a person than all the attention. I don't want to be so insecure that I'm addicted to the feeling of being thought attractive. 

Also why do I never do what's good for me? Should have been asleep by now...

The very thought of you...

I need to stop listening to Sinatra and being mushy. Seriously, my eyes go soft, my brain goes elsewhere, and I zone out for a good three minutes. Hey, like the song! ..People are starting to give me funny looks.

I ran into diesel mechanic guy today. AHHHHHHHWWWWQQQUUUAARRRD. 

Either the workplace makes you more direct and efficient or I've just never looked people in the eyes before. I suspect it's both. Because when I walk in with a question and three eyes are like ZUUUMMM focused on you with lazer intensity, it makes lesser mortals kind of. Back up into cubicle walls. Not that I did that. Today, anyway. Jeebus, sometimes the day is so full of caterpillar fail. 

I did find pictures on Kdrive though, so I can finally explain to everyone what the heck TTT component factory HH makes. Last time I tried, I drew a diagram that vaguely resembled a bean. I say this because Peter asked, "Is that a bean?" 

(the conversation continued in my head: 'no. no it is the lower powertrain of a track type tractor.'  'well it looks like a bean.') 

My brother loves me :) Ok, he didn't say that in so many words. Ok, he didn't say that at all. But he sent me movies and indie music! Through the mail!! (the writing was big and insistent in permanent marker on the envelope, doesn't it figure. Daniel has always given off a very 'I WILL NOT BE IGNORED' vibe. Not that anybody ever could, anyway) And he didn't sell the Wii because I told him not to! (until mario galaxy is beat, anyway) In my world, that combination's about as close to love as anybody will ever get. Come to think of it, the other time was when he left his DS for me. Huh. WHAT, NINTENDO BRINGS MY FAMILY TOGETHER. /:)

P.S PLANNING EPIC ADVENTURES MAY-AUGUST, Y'ALL. 

healthy, creamy, slightly sweet

 

1. Wash rice as usual.
2. Dice sweet potatoes into chunks. Avoid skewering any major and/or desired limbs.
3. Let rice rest for 10 minutes, adding extra 3/4 cup of water and potatoes.
4. Steam.
5. Eat as is or mash/blend swt potatoes with fork into rice until tinted orange.

The next day:

1. Oil pan
2. Spread rice evenly into pan, add a splash or two of barley tea/mugicha/boricha
3. Stir till absorbed, then mash down
4. Let sit 5 mins or until a nice crust forms on the bottom
5. Enjoy the fact that your life just got a little bit better.

I like this with tea eggs (茶葉蛋) and stewed beef/pork in soy sauce. But that's because it's the only thing I make that reminds me of my mom's cooking. Ahh...mom's cooking. Has the ability to make me miss it a lot, and then once I'm home, I'll be like can we go get some jia jiang myun from hmart? It's a mysterious thing. 

Retrospect

I'm so tired of waiting
For your sins to come along
If I said you're beautiful
I'd be wrong

Oh, there is nothing baby
When I look into your eyes
But you're so far between your little white lie

Maybe next time
We can both find someone to hold down
someone to hold down

Maybe next time
We can both find someone to hold down
someone to hold down


Anything worth having has a price. Je crois que tous les choses seront toujours amères, avec toi. Mais il vaut la peine. Je ne regrette rien, maintenant.

Simple things

Things to do when I get home:

1. The chicken and pizza place next to hmart.
2. Twilight princess. Stallord is going down, but man those zant heads are freaky.
3. Two words: emo bangs. no wait. 'fob hair'. No more of this conservative crap.
4. Reformatting my computer bc lawl surprise! Trojan.
5. Visit tech/roomies
6. Paint my nails black
7. JEANS. GLORIOUS JEANS. 
8. Vaccuum my room for spiders, make sure mom hasn't thrown away Giant Pikachu
9. Track down my brother. (He will have time for me, dang it! He will make it or I will be delivering epic Beat downs!) 
10. Zaxby's. 
11. Beanie hang out time. Complete with chinese newspaper runs at 10pm.
12. GUITAR
13.  
14. PIANO
15. LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE

in no particular order. The last one especially is very dubious.

Things I will miss about Illinois:

• Doing thousand piece puzzles with my roommate
• Getting to learn about multibillion dollar technology (3 micron!)
• Drawing mario mushrooms on my cubicle magnets
• Proximity to Indiana, St. Louis, Chicago, etc
• Being given candy by people I don't know. wait...that happens no matter where I go.
• Church message == lying on the bed listening to Andy Stanley's podcast while drinking milk tea. 
• Business casual
• 3 words: chain link forging. 
• Peaceful saturdays with nothing to do but drink a cafe au lait with donuts
• Breakfast at 12, lunch at 4, dinner at 9
• Unrestricted access to pretty much every statistical package known to man. 
• Snow!!!

yeahp. 20 more days and I am outta here.

Fingers trace your every outline

This is so, so wonderful. From the jazzy strangely adorable accented singing voice to the reminds-me-of-bossa-nova guitar to the rapping that takes me back to Shinhwa, Sechskies and Drunken Tiger days. And who can forget JinuSean. +50 cool points, guys. Absolutely love it. 

lesson learned from a crappy day

• When your co-intern is really competitive, you cannot slip for one second. 
• It really sucks having to be polite to someone who is trying to sabotage you at nearly every turn. But you have to because that's just the nature of the job. And you can't walk away from it.
• Grow up and get over the awkward shyness. 

It's strange because in school, when you didn't like someone, you just stopped hanging out with them. But I guess it's important to learn how to deal with this sort of thing, right?

spn ftw

GOSH. I forgot how much I adore Supernatural. 

• writer: ooh.....well. this one's kinda different. like vonnegut different.
• dean (urgent): what, slaughterhouse five vonnegut or cat's cradle vonnegut?
• sam: *looks at dean incredulously*
• dean: ....what? 
• sam: nothing, nothing.

Brotherly love > Dean's pride!! Hello kitty bandaids! Castiel. If any show could pull off a scruffy Paul Walker-esque trenchcoat wearing angel, it would be this one. The way he can't interfere but when Dean threatens not to 'interfere' when the situation is reversed, he gives veiled help. In the form of LAWL not supposed to be doing this, but I need you. The slanted sideways look of Mutual Understanding just kills me. 

• dean: ok. so everything he writes about us somehow happens in real life. so we do EVERYTHING OPPOSITE today.
• sam: fine. we don't fight. that means you don't eat any bacon cheeseburgers.
• dean (disgusted): .....fine. i'll have a...tofu veggie burger.

When it comes, he takes a bite and goes dude. [beat] This is delicious. Tofu rocks! And then the waitress comes by and says 'oh sorry, I accidentally gave you the bacon cheeseburger instead.' She takes it away and Dean just looks at Sam like "O_O..." *IS MORTALLY OFFENDED AT HAVING BEEN TRICKED BY THE TOFU*

• castiel: you can't hurt him. he's a prophet.
• dean: what. 
• castiel: *shrugs* you should have seen luke. 

and yes. I would have to say the best line of the episode: 

"STOP. I AM THE PROPHET CHUCK. "

..."you've got to be kidding me." 

slow spinning redemption

I bought doughnuts today! Nothing can stop me now. Except for maybe a heart attack.

This is purely hypothetical, but has anyone ever tried to, um. Ride around in a laundromat drying machine? 

POLLEN. I spent yesterday wondering if I was getting sick, with all the sneezing and whatnot. And then I realized it was in fact the yellow SPORES OF DEATH. I'm not used to it being all tricky like this. In the dirty south pollen gets all in your face like O HAI i'm gonna cover everything in yellow bwahahahaa! Illinois is like you get snow. AND NOW FOR SPOREZ OF DEATH, SURPRISE LAWL. 

argh. I told my mom I wanted to get an apartment 2-3 years after I started working fulltime, and she got really sad. That's probably around 25...and rationally that's normal. But in my head I'm thinking, WHAT? That's only like 4.5 years from now. I'm too young for that. Us, self reliant? Come on, we can't even function normally now when everything's taken care of for us. Natural selection will kill us before we even step foot outside the door. Okay, exaggeration, but I don't even pass for pre-adult and I'm 20. I've got enough to handle actually trying to grow up, I almost wish I didn't have to worry about leaving my parents.

noticed today: everyone has REALLY BIG TRUCKS. seriously. srsly, they're like twice the size of regular trucks.