metaphors

everyone has room in their heart for one person. in some cases, it's yourself.

if it's someone else, after residency has been taken, all wandering eyes cease; the beauty of other people doesn't disappear, but instead goes out of focus.

so i must be careful to whom i allow to reside.

you see, if a person is not enough, then they are not enough. but you must at least know.

because if there's no heart for you to stay in after you are pushed out of yours, then it just doesn't work.

and i am too strong and too warm to be homeless.

"If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained."
— Neil Gaiman (The Graveyard Book)

yowza

strange post

i'm a part of this group that calls itself the midnight society. it's evan, eli, thomas, paul and me. i know i always get so easily attached, but i seriously love these people to death. cannot wait to go to cabin/mountains with them!! they are, point blank, super awesome. and i'm so glad i have them in my life.

things with Boy are nice too. i have to try super hard not to overthink/freak out/be insecure that he doesn't like me, but mostly it's just. happy. i'm pretty happy. /:) (i'm really happy.)

sang at open mic today! never thought i would do that, tbh. it was fun.

andddddd now off to hang out. ground control to major tommmmm ok

have fun, kids. :)

acbdbdceaabde

i was always more of a technical piano player, because all that was required was extra hours of practice, and not opening yourself up to let everyone see you cared about what you were playing.

to face the music so honestly, and have it possibly rejected as mediocre--especially as a growing musician-- is incredibly intimidating.

but to reach inside you and create feeling where there was none before, and then to lay it bare before the world unrepentantly, well, that's the most powerful thing about classical music.

you can spend your whole life scared, with a healthy foot in the door, ready to run away at a moment's notice. or to say, well, you weren't trying that hard anyway.

but there's no color that way.

there's perfection by rote, and no beauty or feeling.

i want feeling.

difficult things

for this one, i would like to not

run away
self sabotage
exercise self preservation
exercise masochism
be apathetic
treat someone like shit
look for problems

i would just like to open my heart, come to terms with being intensely vulnerable, and learn how to care about someone.

je ne sais quoi

about five minutes after, i realize

oh my god.

i wanna do more of this, all the fucking time.

 

be still my heart

 

i have a boy who makes me really happy. 

i like all his little quirks, and his five o'clock shadow.

o.0

so i was working on stuff at the sc comp lab when i hear music coming out of utc.

??? i thought. then i remembered bugs? is rehearsing today. turned up the headphones louder so i couldn't hear them (i am not one for spoilers) but about what little i did hear, i will say this:

they sound really good.

and if evan's cover of the smith's 'there is a light that never goes out' is anything to go by, mon valley should be pretty bang on too.

looking forward to the show on saturday for sure.

fake it till you make it

i have decided my new favorite things are blanket cocoons. and pillow forts. and blanket forts?

okay things happened today. brian isn't altogether that fond of me, but when he found out i was sick today he did say, "can't have my favorite DJ getting sick, can we?" which made me happy. also evan is leaving me forks all over the place and it is super pissing off our daytime manager person. i like her lots, actually. but utc is meant to be kinda ghetto. and barring that, just a little quirky. so what if there's random forks in the room? there's a hacksaw in the back storage next to the disco ball. we really gonna get into one upsmanship here?

in other related news, i'm kind of absurdly fond of MN people. it's hard to believe i met evan way before, when he was working on a robot dinosaur (i shit you not, god, i gotta tell mike about this now that i think about it). i doubt he even remembers, that was like half a year before i met him again. it's strange, the way people come into each other's lives. and god, jason is so fucking adorable i want to pat him on the head all the time.

still sickish, though this will probably mark the fastest get sick get better cycle i've ever had.

know this: we can't speak for anyone else.

COUGH COUGH SNIFF

also, this: you know where to find me.

by all means, i should be a lot busier than i actually am. cue 'things that are going to come around to bite me in the ass'

are those birds chirping outside at 3am annoying the hell out of anyone else?

just sayin'.