swim good

that conversation?
that was both of us looking at each other knowing that what we're really saying is that this ends here and that we're going to leave it alone.
the 3 hour conversations will probably slow and die out, as will the texts and horribly bad puns.
is that really okay?

life is about becoming somebody who's worth a shit.
and that may mean being well read, or knowing how to jump start a car.
but mostly it means having your shit together enough to get things done.
people who can write up drafts and reach out to people and answer their emails within minutes of getting them.

especially that last one.

competency: fucking how does it work.

iiiiiiii can't do this thing with phd kid.

i'm beginning to wonder if it will ever just be easy.

but when you shoot yourself in the foot as many times as i do, how much blame to you have to give yourself?

one date this weekend, and one canceled date, and one hangout with a boy who wants it to be a date.

i swear, i swear, i swear after this i'm simplifying it all.

just feel free to punch me in the face if i don't manage it.

i'm very afraid to explore just how much of my crush on him (or on anyone, really) centers on lack of reciprocation.

how are we supposed to love people?

i thought myself really different when it came to mike. but what if it was just because he didn't like me anymore, that i was so willing to give? if things had continued, would i have been the one to run away?
we'll never know.. --well-- no. actually, i would have stayed in all those path permutations. i don't know why. i hope one day soon i'll like someone as much as i liked mike. that would be really, really nice, and i can't do this thing with phd kid.

on defriending

here's the thing, kiddos. there are people on facebook and twitter i may not care for. or worse, just be completely apathetic to.

but i'm never going to defriend them.

because in the IRL analogy, it's the equivalent of "i don't know you/you are a stranger/i've lost touch with you, but i'm not going to smile and ask how you've been."
if i knew you at one point, i'm not going to denounce your online presence. it may disappear or lounge about in squalor for the rest of internet eternity. but when or if i come across your mind one day (and maybe i will), and you want to write on my wall or see how i'm doing, you damn well can. you're not gonna click my name to find that i do not want to be friends anymore. you didn't do anything to deserve an actual severance of ties. sometimes shit just happens and friendships fade.

I WILL BE FRIENDS WITH ANYONE, IF THEY WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME.
and that applies to apathy too.


in conclusion,
jesus christ. if you don't care about someone on your friends list, just leave them there. like you've been leaving them there since the dawn of (facebook)time. DON'T BE A BITCH.

this has been a public service announcement. please continue on your way now.

you call that a pickup truck?

as much as i love king of leon's come around sundown album, i can't listen to it for very long because when i listen to it, i'm seized with this sort of wrenching loneliness.

i refuse to investigate why.

you get what you give.

this is absolutely, unswervingly true.

hertz

if people would speak to me in warm tones, quiet and intimate, low
and scratchy from sleep (or lack of),
then i'll just have to come to terms with my selfishness
and let you go on being exhausted for just a bit longer.

i'm sorry that i'm not sorry
that i keep you up on the phone when i shouldn't.
i was always bad at that.