:0 :0 :0

visual cussing?!?!

oh come on!!

ETA: my care face, let me show you it --->  :| 

doesn't matter what i do (i don't take it out on you)

so today i realized perhaps the work i'm doing is actually maybe important, by which i mean oh crap. because first the senior database engineer stopped by to ask me about it. i heard you were working on it, he said. yeah, i said. then my supervisor came and asked. passed straight by my coworker (which never happens because she's kind of the first thing people see; charismatic etc etc) too. and then when my supervisor's boss came and asked about it, i kind of stopped and was like ok what the heck azz is going on here. 

i remember, yknow, when i used to shy away from responsibility last semester. i saw an opening for an internship and didn't even apply when i read 'weekly project reports expected'; that's how intimidating it was. and then all of a sudden you're being pushed into something that actually requires thinking and you realize you can do it because you have to. it's a strange feeling, having the things you do affect other people. as opposed to just studying for a test or something. idk. 

eta: NOT CUSSING IS HARD. =_=

dinner was fun! we went to this italian place called avanti's, and i got to spend more time with the group. zack and cute diesel guy didn't come though, since they both went home to missouri this weekend. 

oh! so i said i'd post a picture of those ridiculous windshield glasses:

are they not kind of awesome? :D

i actually have this internship to thank for me getting over my crippling insecurity of not having hair in my eyes 24/7. no joke. who knows what'll happen next; by the end of this semester i may be looking at people when i talk to them or not staring at the ground. stranger things have happened, like duck billed platypuses. 

this is me attempting to wave at atl people, who i miss a lot. a lot a lot.

and in conclusion,

third time in a doorway with the lights all on around us

jeebus. work sucks when they start elevating you from the grunt work to the REAL work. because while grunt work is boring, at least you're not like. ho crap how am i gonna program this to actually create a database. and WTF is that crazy smart gear analyst even talking about? i can't do that to a database! and he probably thinks i know what i'm doing because i keep nodding and smiling! stop nodding! stop it! ahhh!! 

i took a tour of building SS today, where all the tractors actually get assembled. it is hands down the coolest thing i have ever seen. .. this year. the d11 carrydozer? the lowest part of the track (you know, how it kinda looks like a triangle) is TALLER THAN ME. that thing musta been like 30 feet. 

and you know what else? today my supervisor made a short joke. i kid you not. 

• brandon: yeah those things are really crazy because you have no idea how big they are until you stand right next to them.
• me: it's true! it was so cool! i was shorter than the undercarriage! and didnt even come close to the final drive!
• brandon: well, you're probably shorter than the wheels on the d6's, actually.
• brandon:
• brandon:
• brandon: you know, you're probably shorter than the wheels on the forklifts.
• me: aklsdjfahklsdhfaliufahlksdjahkfljlhfahusdilfas

but yeah. looking at these super complicated engines and like. the transmission and these huge freaking tractors, it was just the coolest thing. also i was like WOW Diesel Mechanic Guy works with these. [looks at complicated contraption]. dang, he just got like 10 times hotter. not going bowling today, though...sigh. i figure every other week is probably a good idea. sucks. curse my weakness for tall, snarky blondes! >:O 

in the same vein, i probably should not have cooked that rib eye steak in butter. man, if i don't come back 40 pounds heavier, the world is going to exact its karmic revenge some other way.

argh, going to bed. seriously, what i wouldn't give to be on the beach with a corona and lime. 

Let's meet up in 25 years, then we'll see what's going on

it's a little disorienting when i stumble on an acquaintance's fb page to find that they've grown up to be completely gorgeous. i kind of stared at her picture like. confused, a la she's an actual person and we know each other, and she's normal, yet really... really beautiful. i don't...understand this.

i'm giving up cussing for lent. even though i'm not catholic. but i intend to do it, because 40 days of fasting is hardcore. ok that's not the real reason, but whatever. 

o, mg, C++ is the WORST THING EVER. also, my dad is so cool. ever have those moments where your dad is just your dad until you discover first hand that he's, like, brilliant at what he does? 

see this? this is gut check time. or it's the bunny slope, which i respect not. 

polar opposites don't push away

tru fax: ever since i was little, and we bought fresh baguette from the harry's farmer's market, i would take it home and dip it in coke. or sprite. it is SO GOOD. and today i bought some!!

last night i had a dream that. well actually a lot of things happened. i was in the room with a video game-refrigerator and i was at the SEKKRIT LEVEL when it turned into a fridge and i got all disappointed...then i opened the blinds to the window and outside were thousands of college kids and desks outside and chalkboards and it was all so....aesthetically pleasing. i mean, think brooklyn brick buildings with ledges and thousands upon thousands of desks and bowling lanes and flags and vending machines just perched outside, and in disarray. kind of like how howl's moving castle is like. A MESS and yet everything has its precise place and it's this big, beautiful, chaotic bitch of a masterpiece. it was kind of like that. 

fuckin' a. okay. okay okay okay FINE this summer will ALSO be dedicated to learning SQL. jerks.

man, today was rough, but still better than yesterday. i kinda just wanna get high, eat cookies, and listen to radiohead. is it friday yet?

(nah, i'm only kidding. i'd never listen to radiohead.)

argh why so late? :0

If I lay here; if I just lay here,

 

today sucked.

:/

boring filler post

i wonder what life is like for an art major. to have your home consist of an easel, and charcoal and countless types of acrylic and oil and paper. to have your textbook be a painting and your paper be a sketchbook. for your exams to be graded on subjective aesthetics, uncertain and intuitive. instead of on a curve, against an answer key. i wonder how it feels to walk into a giant classroom where there are no desks, only models. 

what would have happened if i had followed that dream?

 

in other news, when i get back, it'll be summertime! and i want to try tons of new things. i wanna go into h-mart and buy those tiny cute cans of coffee or those strange candies. or those 1L bottles of apple/aloe/milk tea or whatever. you know, those things that are intriguing but that you never really throw into your cart. we can buy them and head over to the bakery and buy a pastry or two. currypan! and go to the pool and that can be that. but then we'll get bored and someone will end up being pushed in.

i say this with all the love in my heart. 

hehhehhehehe. i mean....all the love.

 

ate lunch at 3 again today :( which means my schedule is all screwed up. 62 more days. 

in other other news, how do i get myself into these things????????????????? all i want is to go eat zaxby's. mmmmmm hot wings dipped in ranch. with texas toast. and fries. MMMMMMMM. and a cherry coke. 

everything gets better with a cherry coke.