sorry, after everything that's happened, am i supposed to give a shit about what some inconsequential freshman thinks of me?

i suppose i can say it here, because any other medium would be passive agressive. RIGHT? i really gotta get it out though.

i know who i am. strengths, weaknesses, inhibitions, velleities.
what could you possibly tell me that i don't already know of myself? what could you possibly say that i couldn't corroborate or refute?

you lack maturity, and substance. you think yourself better than me because you can talk so freely. i pity you because you have nothing to say.

but we're young. we'll give it time.



bitch.

HAAAAAA

be with someone who wants to be with you.

if they don't, then what are you still sticking around for?

of the many unsavoury things i am, ignorant of my self worth was never one of them

across a great wildnerness without you

you wouldnt recognize me in town
my hands lost in my pockets, two disabused tools

i've retired from their life of touching you.


_keetje kuipers

smells like teen spirit

molly posted a fb status that says, "love is a swimming pool with no bottom."

i really wanted to comment with "yeah, the deeper you go, the more likely you are to drown."

but that would be really emo.

but i mean, come on, what kind of metaphor is that?!?! it's just asking for it! >:|

thought it was a bad cough

sometimes i think i remember the little things about M the most. it's very easy to think only of the sad things, and forget the good. or only the good things, and gloss over the bad.

but then, i was always such a sucker for the details.

sometimes, i probably take for granted how he treats/has treated me. the way he went to get me a jacket those months ago, or when he wore that strange green shirt because he knows i like it. or when he played page france. idk, sometimes it's nice to think back these small things that are more than the sum of their parts.

in return, i suppose i offer the rejection of all those other boys in favor of devotion to you. i offer consistency, and anything of myself i could possibly give.

don't get me wrong, i am going to deeply regret it. and i already do. and to be sure, i expect exactly nothing from him. expectation is what kills. expectation has taken me on a roller coaster lately.

but still. i don't actually know what i'm writing anymore. i guess i'll stop here.


I have been risky in my endeavors,
I have been steadfast in my loves.
_mary oliver 

metaphors

everyone has room in their heart for one person. in some cases, it's yourself.

if it's someone else, after residency has been taken, all wandering eyes cease; the beauty of other people doesn't disappear, but instead goes out of focus.

so i must be careful to whom i allow to reside.

you see, if a person is not enough, then they are not enough. but you must at least know.

because if there's no heart for you to stay in after you are pushed out of yours, then it just doesn't work.

and i am too strong and too warm to be homeless.

"If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained."
— Neil Gaiman (The Graveyard Book)