do we get no points for the try?

grad school makes me feel really stupid.

strangely enough, this didn't happen that much in undergrad.


i feel like lately, i've been even more awkward and unprepared and inefficient than normal. like it's really hard to do things right. like i can't speak to people, or express myself, or do my damn laundry. like i need people to step in for me or take care of me, and make no mistake; they do so wonderfully.

the words just seem stuck in my brain and they can't get out past my stuttering lips, until i sit down and type it out on a computer. jebus.

i just have never been good with speaking, or first impressions, or whatever the fuck else. but i can take care of myself, and the people i care about, and i can get my shit done.

i probably CAN'T: be unawkward. but that's just who i am, and i'm gonna have to square with that one way or the other, and so is everyone else, because that's who i am. oh, or tall. i also probably can't be tall. honestly, for the amount of time people dwell on it, you'd think it was new. like OH MY GOD i am short, you don't say! i've never heard that one before!

拜託.

tell me something useful for a change, like how to stop being so scared. how to stop running. how to stop sabotaging myself. how to stop treating people like shit.

but i digress.

it's probably time to strive for a little more competency.