transatlanticism

what is difficult but necessary is this: we have to make an effort with everyone we know.
(i'm decent at this if they're present, notoriously bad at this if they're not)

we live in an age where we ride the bus surrounded by people and check facebook on our phone, deluded into thinking that one is a lonelier place than the other.

but sometimes it's so damn hard to bridge the gap of unfamiliarity. to take an interest in the people around us, or to rekindle friendships that haven't burned out but have instead faded away. Perhaps it's apathy, or circumstances. and maybe it's hard because we don't wanna be left hanging, caring for someone who values us less than we would like to value them.

i'm not sure. i think loneliness is self inflicted.
and i'm no longer content, if i ever was, avec les personnes que j'avais apprivoise.

i don't want Deep friendships with people i'm currently around. or a Deep connection to my significant other and no one else.

i want Deep friendships with the people i love and have invested in, whoever they are and whenever i've invested in them. 


it's so true that you get what you give. and what i hear when i inwardly wonder that i'm (emotionally/physically?) distant is: "wah wah wah, familiarity isn't worth any inconvenience".

alright. let's see if you pass the friend test.

let's see if i find a damn condo.

feels good to be around

i know, i know, it's nothing, and it's stupid, but this is all very new to me and no matter how many times he says it it's still just, nice. i'm domestically sentimental like that. it's been one month and i still haven't freaked out yet, and i'm wondering why not and when or if it will happen.

 kevin:  heading out now

see you in about.. 45? ish?

 me:  kk

fingers crossed for no traffic

 kevin:  me too

haha

see you babe

:*

 me:  you could always live in my spare bedroom

rent is 6000/month

+utilities

 kevin:  -__-

woman

 me:  i would pay off that mortgage so fast..

 kevin:  I'VE GOT THE JOB AND THE CAR AND THE CONDO MEOW

 me:  i'm catching up, baby

 kevin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 me:  hahaha

 kevin:  http://nooooooooooooooo.com/

 Sent at 5:02 PM on Tuesday

 kevin:  gotta keep you down

because i'm the man

literally

 me:  haha

 kevin:  :(

will you still look up to me when you're richer than me?

ow ow ow ow
the name of the game is vulnerability, kids
jesus christ.

careless words can be very damaging
ow
ow
ow

imagine

and granted, he doesn't make my toes curl like mike used to, but he holds my hand and looks me in the eye and leaves marks on me and calls me beautiful and wants to meet my friends.

and i suppose i'll never quite measure up to that one girl he used to be in love with. it's still too early to say, i suppose.

i do very much like him.