trial by fire

I have had a fucking weird day.

you know, as much as i don't want to run into mike, or shrug off his arm when he rests it on my shoulder, or even so much as look at him, it really comes down to this.

i don't want to go through the semester catered around it.

  it's been a while since i've thought myself a coward, and i know some people may say, going to utc while his girlfriend's there, or talking to him, or anything him, is just masochistic and it'll only hurt you. but if i was gonna go there anyway, i'm not gonna change tracks. i'm gonna face it because if i'm not stronger enough for that, then i'll learn how to be.

if it's awkward or an inconvenience to you, then you can fucking deal with it. if my presence only registers apathy, so much the better. but i'm gonna push through it and learn how to live around you. even when you're being a douchebag for trying to talk to me.

perhaps i'm not being fair to him? there's no way he knows how hard i took it.
oh well. i get to be a bitch about it.  the one walking away with the bruised heart gets to be a bitch about it. the one who moved on can suck it.

only... only i generally try not to be a bitch.
so, i don't know. this is for my edification only, then. i have no idea what goes on in that head of yours when you talk to me. probably nothing, i expect. but i'm gonna keep salting the wounds until they close up completely.

in another sheer fit of pettiness, i saw pictures of his ex the other day. he's an idiot. just keeps downgrading every time. she's radiant. (she's absolutely radiant.)