metaphors

everyone has room in their heart for one person. in some cases, it's yourself.

if it's someone else, after residency has been taken, all wandering eyes cease; the beauty of other people doesn't disappear, but instead goes out of focus.

so i must be careful to whom i allow to reside.

you see, if a person is not enough, then they are not enough. but you must at least know.

because if there's no heart for you to stay in after you are pushed out of yours, then it just doesn't work.

and i am too strong and too warm to be homeless.

"If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained."
— Neil Gaiman (The Graveyard Book)

yowza

strange post

i'm a part of this group that calls itself the midnight society. it's evan, eli, thomas, paul and me. i know i always get so easily attached, but i seriously love these people to death. cannot wait to go to cabin/mountains with them!! they are, point blank, super awesome. and i'm so glad i have them in my life.

things with Boy are nice too. i have to try super hard not to overthink/freak out/be insecure that he doesn't like me, but mostly it's just. happy. i'm pretty happy. /:) (i'm really happy.)

sang at open mic today! never thought i would do that, tbh. it was fun.

andddddd now off to hang out. ground control to major tommmmm ok

have fun, kids. :)

acbdbdceaabde

i was always more of a technical piano player, because all that was required was extra hours of practice, and not opening yourself up to let everyone see you cared about what you were playing.

to face the music so honestly, and have it possibly rejected as mediocre--especially as a growing musician-- is incredibly intimidating.

but to reach inside you and create feeling where there was none before, and then to lay it bare before the world unrepentantly, well, that's the most powerful thing about classical music.

you can spend your whole life scared, with a healthy foot in the door, ready to run away at a moment's notice. or to say, well, you weren't trying that hard anyway.

but there's no color that way.

there's perfection by rote, and no beauty or feeling.

i want feeling.

difficult things

for this one, i would like to not

run away
self sabotage
exercise self preservation
exercise masochism
be apathetic
treat someone like shit
look for problems

i would just like to open my heart, come to terms with being intensely vulnerable, and learn how to care about someone.

je ne sais quoi