there i go again!

There's this masquerade/birthday party thing going on tomorrow, should be fun tiemz. Lpei and I are gonna go to l5p and pick out some cute masks, but I don't think I have enough to get some wacky costume haha. Yay for meeting more architecture people? Those people are crazy SOBs with amazing photos and great fashion sense. Also hopefully I get to hang out with Steven before he leaves for new york too.

Hey friend, here was a time you would call me from there, frustrated and feeling like an idiot. You never did like it. I suppose it's not my place anymore, but I would have liked to sit and talk to you for a bit, and commiserate. Sorry hun, I know airports suck.

It feels strange playing mg2 without emily, because player2 can kill enemies and get 1ups for you and freeze fire and bullet bills and stuff. It's so much harder when there's just one person D:

Time to go hang out with Jun!

today's title is the mario galaxy 2 theme song

Being satisfied with life is bullshit.

I want more. I want everything. I wanna do one thing every day that scares me.

Cuz it sucks, always wanting. It emphasizes what you don't have.

But at least you try to get it, and even if you don't it's so much better than not having anything at all.

The hardest part is that ache, you know? Looking at other people and wanting their faces, their experiences, their lives. It gets you places. Maybe not the same places; maybe it's just some sort of mediocre attempt of show. And it's especially bitter to swallow, because some things are just out of your reach. But it gets you places.

I like places. Places is better than square one.

stargazer

pretty close to throwing in my lot with the post rock bitches.

omg

Daniel: omg cook me dinner
hangry
Sent at 7:58 PM on Wednesday

me: no you are playing starcraft i am resentful
Sent at 8:23 PM on Wednesday

hahaha this is pretty much it, in a nutshell

trufax

it's no use being jealous.
some days you're ahead, some days you're behind.
i guess you just do what you can with what you have, in the time you have.

eet

too many things going on in my head, and also, i wish i were still in midtown so i could be partying it up on a friday night. instead i went to target with my parents.

HOW DID I SURVIVE 3 YEARS OF GOING HOME ON WEEKENDS? or i suppose more accurately, why didnt i meet jennifer in my freshman year D:

on the flip side, i hear beer + carbonated lemonade is really good. time to try.

places to go

I dreamt of the maldives last night, and it was blue beyond beauty, but every time I dream of water it soon enough turns gray and threatening, kind of like it can be in real life. Like something incredibly powerful and terrifying; but just like how things are bluer, in my dreams the water reaches the sky.

It wasn't really a nightmare because for some reason, dream!self rationalized that --worst case scenario-- it would be too poetic a way to go.

I also dreamt of cartoon white beluga whales in Zelda ice caverns, so. That was pretty cool.

You know when someone you love hurts you, and it's that much deeper because you love them? and when they come back saying sorry, you know you should be angrier but for the life of you, you just can't be. because of the same reason that they had any sort of affect on you in the first place. their apology is good enough, even when logically it shouldnt be. even when you know they'll hurt you again because they're just the type of people who are prone to harsh words, or condescension, or pride. so that was my brother this weekend. it's strange, feeling all the anger rush out of me, dissipating at his quick emailed sorry. even stranger, considering the vague bitterness that it had that effect, and that will again no matter how many times it happens in the future. love is love, and it's unfair in all directions. in this respect, i think this is the closest i'll ever get to understanding God and His grace towards us.

memo

omg guys, give it a rest.

on top of that, this:

everyone needs to calm the fuck down.

fading testaments

i'm sore in places that have rarely been sore before. insoles, underarms, ribs, shoulders. i've got bruises in places and i dont know how i got them, and scratches that maybe i remember getting. odds i'm right are 50/50. i've gone to sleep when the sun was almost breaking, kept a steady buzz off rum, vodka and beer for hours and hours, and done more in one weekend than i usually do in four. camera stores, funky shops, playgrounds, gardens, parks, popsicle stands, acoustic shows, beer bars, trinket stands, record stores, taquerias and spawning more overlords? that last one was vicariously of course.

i want this always.