i realized i forgot

to link this from the lyrics last time 0.0

.019

being unable to escape fondness in my heart

for you, and having forfeit the rights to any sympathy

regarding the matter

we continue dancing a bittersweet maze

around each other

as echoes of doorknocks and telephone rings

swell impossibly larger, then disperse

like waves on weathered cliffs.

woowwwww

Welcome to my world's most relevant song atm.

We did what we could
To save this house from falling
But it burns because it's wood
And now you'll never call me darling

I coughed your name
I smoked all day
And I slept myself sleepy
I was sleeping it away

Don't let it burn
Don't get confused
Don't let it get to you

We did what we could
To save this car from crashing
Your pretty face is soaked in blood
You know, I still find you dashing

Airbag suffocates
You need a little space
The rain on the windshield
I watched you limp away

Doesn't have to hurt
Don't get confused
Don't let it bother you
Don't try to call you'll lose it all
You get used to her bad news,
It's just bad news

ohhhhh lawdy. 8ams.

Well i trip over everything you say

we lie, we lie together

but not too close

BLOCKS OF GRAPHITE

I MUST HAVE MORE AND MORE BLOCKS OF GRAPHITE

IN EVER INCREASING AMOUNTS

you are driving me crazy

I GIVE UP

I AM THROWING IN THE TOWEL

i gotta feelin (woooohoooo)

i love that there are traces of other people in us.

like it's because of your father that you like gouda cheese, or listen to fleetwood mac and tom jones. because of my brother, i eat my eggs over easy with soy sauce and listen to dr. dre.

we keep parts of those that changed us, for better or worse.

neato.

first things first

god, i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE playing blu & exile at under the couch. that subwoofer makes it sound so good, unlike anything ever. better than speakers, headphones, whatever the heck else. SUBWOOFER WIN it is AMAZING.

there's this girl lauren that i work with whom i absolutely adore. what is it about people named lauren? i adore all my lauren friends. <3 <3

who would have thought i'd still be hanging out with jennifer from senior design? it's lovely. we're pretty much awesome.

going apple picking, to the apple festival tomorrow with jeff!!!!!! so super excited. i totally love this autumn hay ride apple butter pumpkin picking bonfire shit. i do wish more people could come along, but why make people do what they dont wanna do? missing out is a spectrum. as long as i'm somewhere on that side, i'm happy. HAUNTED CORN MAZE WOOT i have a feeling this is going to be epic funs.

also, i was thinking, generally speaking, person to person,

i would probably be okay with someone dating other people if they were ok with me dating other people.

which is to say, if they felt nothing anymore, i think i'd let it go.

is that strange?


APPLE FESTIVAL I'M SO EXCITED GUYS

PREPARING OUR PICNIC AS WE SPEAK

jesus christ. you're killin' me here, sweetheart.

life lesson 2741

you know that whole, ask a random question, get a random answer?

we reciprocate that which is directed at us, concerning all facets.

the world, large as it is and small as it is, gives me hope. if we hadn't met already, it would only have been a matter of time.

it's always a matter of time.

oh man...

it's fall!!!

let the sartorial experimentation resume.

(on non test days)

(or the day before those)

dear self,

you're getting a little pathetic. you should try to stop it soon.

and just because those arcs are bidirectional doesn't mean you can just write down things willy nilly. you're not a ph.d student okay.

plz to get it together.

sincerely,
self2

ouch. brick to the head

"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do." 
_Nan fairbrother

I got so caught up in self preservation that I forgot this.

probably

I AM NOT JEALOUS OK

my room is full of your shit. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN, I BLAME YOU

GRATUITOUS CAPS LOCK.  WE'RE FRIENDS WHY WOULD IT BOTHER ME

whatever. i actually blame me.

i've got better things to do than look after shit that i don't own.

but i won't be at the phone

 ie6203 transportation, aka the class from hell.

sometimes the situation is so dire that all you can really do is step it up.

--tomorrow.

tonight i'm getting beer with a friend who needs it just as much as i do.

jeebz.

buh.

still the stuttering.
inject inflection to your tone, and
carefully, peel up the layers of a heist
in which precious beats are made off with.
so erratic, they, and more fool you.
ring the bells and drink your tea
in dark afternoons of threadbare rooms
imagine, missing your creativity,
j'en ai rien a foutre, vous avez dit

et et et moi non plus.

and then, before shy eyes start shuttering
and your stills keep stuttering
change. and winds of.
and trickles of greed, which you respect not.

levity

i'm not jealous. i would rather eat my shorts than admit that. i don't get jealous.

fuck that shit.

do we get no points for the try?

grad school makes me feel really stupid.

strangely enough, this didn't happen that much in undergrad.


i feel like lately, i've been even more awkward and unprepared and inefficient than normal. like it's really hard to do things right. like i can't speak to people, or express myself, or do my damn laundry. like i need people to step in for me or take care of me, and make no mistake; they do so wonderfully.

the words just seem stuck in my brain and they can't get out past my stuttering lips, until i sit down and type it out on a computer. jebus.

i just have never been good with speaking, or first impressions, or whatever the fuck else. but i can take care of myself, and the people i care about, and i can get my shit done.

i probably CAN'T: be unawkward. but that's just who i am, and i'm gonna have to square with that one way or the other, and so is everyone else, because that's who i am. oh, or tall. i also probably can't be tall. honestly, for the amount of time people dwell on it, you'd think it was new. like OH MY GOD i am short, you don't say! i've never heard that one before!

拜託.

tell me something useful for a change, like how to stop being so scared. how to stop running. how to stop sabotaging myself. how to stop treating people like shit.

but i digress.

it's probably time to strive for a little more competency.

you can do better than me.

don't break the rules, son.

when you're at a show, you gotta dance. move around a little.

this is cardinal rule number 1.

unless it's like, shoegaze or whatever, but fuck that.

it's so much less fun if you just stand around.

and then no one wants to stand next to you either, because it's that much harder to get into it when you're standing next to the guy who's no fun.

yeasayer was really really good. they played red cave, so my life was pretty much complete. best line ever:

i'm so happy to have spent the time
with my family, and the friends i love
in my short life, i have met
so many people i deeply care for.

god, mike and his roommates are so cool. they're all like. talented musicians and listening to them jam is just really awesome. ahhhh hirthy. what am i going to do with you. idek

oh man, it's late. ok . ok sleep time

george michael in the hizzouse

you know, i could probably keep up the charade if i wanted to. but probably not. nous sommes tellement différents, n'est-ce pas?

it kind of hurts.

hopefully i can find my voice one day.


in other news, my friday:

1. hw
2. laundry
3.
4.
5. profit??? :D

you know that girl dancing in really weird clothes at the laundromat? totally gonna be me.

like a fucking beacon in the night

i have no food in my apartment.

i have resorted to desperate measures.

i'm not going to tell you what they are.

OH MY GOD I HAVE LEFTOVER SWEET TEA FROM JIMMY JOHNS

THE DAY IS SAVED