merry christmas (eve), all. :)

Lay your weapons down

Fine, I'll humor you a little.

I invariably find myself reading W.H. Auden. When your soul is dry, you go back to poetry and it lifts your spirits a little. Rubs salve in the brittle cracks of your heart, even at the height of incomprehension. Like Housman said. Terence, this is stupid stuff.

And should someone ask, "Well isn't this some form of distraction so you don't have to address other emotions and issues?"

To which I would reply, "Ain't that the way."

no i don't know why my posts are all emo lately

Last night as I was lying in bed, I thought about how little time left I had in this room. After college, we eventually find apartments, get married, work full time... I felt as though I'd really miss this place when I'm no longer living here. You know, your home before you have your own home. The home you never had to make yours because it belonged to you from the day you were born.

I'm a little more dependent on my family and parents than other college kids, which I accept. It's good and bad. I think going home so often is just another choice, like going to parties every weekend. And I would love to say I don't regret partying it up more, making wilder friends, or being part of That Scene. Even tamer things, like being able to hang out on weekends. But of course I do. Still, I think I would miss the absence of a home life much more than I miss the absence of a college life. It kinda sucks sometimes, but I would like to hang on to this for as long as possible.

all over the place

When I was in Illinois eating dinner with my roommate, we would talk about various things. I mentioned something to her once about how something wasn't feasible, and I gave her all my (bullshit) reasonings. She merely laughed and said I wasn't trying hard enough. I think she was right. All things are usually possible if you are persistent enough, and if you want it that badly. But there's a vulnerability threshold that varies for everyone.

Which begs the question: if you let things go more easily, are you really better off?

Sometimes I think to be my absolute best, I should constantly ask myself, "what would Brandon Pauli do?"

And if I did what he did, I'd be about 384x more efficient, hardworking, and all around great.

Jeez, how do people like him even exist?

damn it

Think we'll never fall into
The jealous game
The streets will flood
With blood of those who felt the same

Friends, lovers, or nothing
There can only be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
There'll never be an in-between

So give it up