Friday, January 28, 2011

Thursday, January 27, 2011

you can fuck off to new york


i'll fuck off to california

putain de merde, j'en ai marre.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

what the hell!

ohhhhhhhh shit.

well it'll be interesting to see how i get myself outta this one.


maybe i should just say everything i feel, to everyone i feel for. and then fuck the consequences and the awkwardness and maybe what little i had left of them anyway. fuck it all.

i could just be honest with other people.

can't decide if being honest with other people is better or worse than being honest with yourself.

either way, i would very much like for someone to just wake me up when the shit has been cleaned off the fan.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

3 statements about time

  1. there is a cumulative value to investing small amounts of time in certain activities over a long period.
  2. neglect is cumulative as well.
  3. there is no cumulative value to the random things we opt for over the important things.
but i really will miss all the color, you see.

Monday, January 24, 2011


yeah, i think i'm about ready.

on squaring with yourself

though i act kind of like a bimbo in person,
it's okay, right, as long as it's not all you are?

everyone should make a point of cultivating depth.

if you can get past my stuttering or the long windedness and the fact that i'm sometimes dull,

i can go on and on about conrad and wilde, eliot and pound, prevert and st. exupery. rachmaninoff and prokofiev, dvorak and elgar and liszt.
i can play you those.
i can sing you lullabies in french.
i can write lines from poems i've learnt by heart into your skin.
i can tell you about the dreams. the dreams are the best part, love. i haven't even begun with those.

i am extraordinary, in my own strange way.

and if you can't see that, fuck you. i'll see it enough for both of us. and you can damn well be sure i'll stutter and fumble my way there.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

ugh. call time of death already, will you, love?

modern mystery

I really didn't understand before why people would be so fond of silver platters, so eager to offer up favors and services and resources. Don't you see, I thought, that by doing so you disrespect them? You doubt their ability to get there themselves. You doubt their worth, their mettle, their resolution.

But I am in a constant quest of unearthing my naivete.

In the same way that parents provide for you, or you look after your blood kin, or the way you take care of a well worn souvenir--

If it were in my power, I would give you the world at the drop of a hat.

I'm cataloging things I think are inherently human. Things that will never change in us, like our desire for happiness. Our jealousy, selfishness, the way some things scar us and always will.

Among those, something I have actually never considered, is that whole shenanigan. Our immense desire to please those we love, even sometimes at our expense.

It's strange, really. I thought it would be the ultimate vote of confidence to do nothing and have someone understand that I believed in their strength. But more and more I find we would do anything to try and make absolutely certain of their happiness.

Funny too, no?

Thursday, January 20, 2011


if needs be to move on,
i dragging my feet, you quickening your paces
let us come to an accord.
darling, if you must leave,
let me let you.

if you move on, then you move on

If I love you, what business is it of yours? 


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

sigh. another day of 'ignore/avoid/fight off desperate and unsubtle no-life grad student boys'.

i really hate classes sometimes.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

hey leonardo (she likes me for me)

here's the thing,

i adore you to death.

i could tell you everything i find charming about you, the miniscule details that i file away and think of with the slow, careful bloom of fondness. the same familiar wash of affection that i've come to associate. every time you double over with laughter and i look at you; afterwards i think i must have been so obvious to anyone around. i could tell you tons of things! your spaghetti shoelaces and brown eyes.

you probably wouldn't believe me though.

ah well. shrug :)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

gate c22

At gate C22 in the Portland airport
a man in a broad-band leather hat kissed
a woman arriving from Orange County.
They kissed and kissed and kissed. Long after
the other passengers clicked the handles of their carry-ons
and wheeled briskly toward short-term parking,
the couple stood there, arms wrapped around each other
like he’d just staggered off the boat at Ellis Island,
like she’d been released at last from ICU, snapped
out of a coma, survived bone cancer, made it down
from Annapurna in only the clothes she was wearing.

Neither of them was young. His beard was gray.
She carried a few extra pounds you could imagine
her saying she had to lose. But they kissed lavish
kisses like the ocean in the early morning,
the way it gathers and swells, sucking
each rock under, swallowing it
again and again. We were all watching—
passengers waiting for the delayed flight
to San Jose, the stewardesses, the pilots,
the aproned woman icing Cinnabons, the man selling
sunglasses. We couldn’t look away. We could
taste the kisses crushed in our mouths.

But the best part was his face. When he drew back
and looked at her, his smile soft with wonder, almost
as though he were a mother still open from giving birth,
as your mother must have looked at you, no matter
what happened after—if she beat you or left you or
you’re lonely now—you once lay there, the vernix
not yet wiped off and someone gazed at you
as if you were the first sunrise seen from the Earth.
The whole wing of the airport hushed,
all of us trying to slip into that woman’s middle-aged body,
her plaid Bermuda shorts, sleeveless blouse, glasses,
little gold hoop earrings, tilting our heads up.

-ellen bass

so fly

going to the gym: an exercise in masochism.

HAHAHA sometimes i crack myself up.

god when did i start liking lame puns

ohoho. heehee.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

all i have to say for myself

It's when you’re on the brink of something
that you lose your balance.
You told me that once.
When I can’t bring myself to say what I need to,
my heart plays Russian Roulette with my throat.

_mindy nettifee


k now i'm confused

Monday, January 10, 2011

of all the gin joints in all the towns

fact: people are not created equal to each other. the more i experience, the more i find these things are true:

the most intimate and defining parts of ourselves are either offered up immediately to other people, or kept in secret save for brief serendipitous glimpses.

also this:

sometimes you don't wanna tell the whole world. sometimes you wanna keep it and maybe start getting into all that 'if a tree falls into a forest' stuff. not everyone needs to hear that shit.

people are not all equal.

not everyone gets to hear your song.

that's what makes it so special to the people who do.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


funny GIFs - For me? You shouldn't have
see more Gifs


What are we now but voices
who promise each other a life
neither one can deliver
not for lack of wanting
but wanting won’t make it so
We cling to a vine
at the cliff’s edge.
There are tigers above
and below. Let us love
one another and let go.

-Eliza Griswold

Thursday, January 6, 2011


i want to create everything in the world.

mix it up. remix it it it it make it something new and

just fucking get it out there.

get it all out there.

we can no longer be content to leave the workings of others as they are.

the soul is too universal.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

j'veux pas d'tes....

oh my god i don't even want it

i am chasing after things more beautiful

to me, he is like this:

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

i've never seen you write that word before.

i wonder what it would be like to hear you say it.

Monday, January 3, 2011


today the sun was closer to the earth than any other day in the year, so we went out and took some pictures.

but before that i stayed in and took some pictures.

i love you

more than i can stand

so i sat down


Sunday, January 2, 2011


we've been spamming everyone because this is one of the coolest things ever.

i've always wanted to do one of these with people!!! <3 <3

six people, one photo a day, 365 days.

it's on. it's on like donkey kong.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

4.04 Money

Kelly: Well, I just need to know where this is going.

Darryl: Hey, I like you. Alright? What's not to like? But you need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing's run its course.

Kelly: Don't you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I've ever met in my entire---

Darryl: Slow down, think it over.


Kelly(interview): Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I've ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?

so this is the new year (i don't feel any different)

we went to hmart today and bought a salmon filet to make sushi with. we must have gotten 14 pieces of sushi for 7 dollars, which is a steal when you consider that the same amount usually gets you about 4 pieces at a restaurant. i was a little blissed out by the end of dinner, not gonna lie.

they say what you do today, you'll do for the rest of the year. does anyone else believe this?
on some logical scale, it makes sense. we hardly ever change.
on the superstitious side, no harm in trying it, right? i grew up being a little superstitious, to the point of ridiculousness. blame my parents. yes, i know the moon isn't going to come through my chimney like santa clause and bite my ear off if i point at it (don't ask). still, for stupid shit like touching your lucky door ornament before you leave, well, it's not gonna be bad luck. it's either no luck or good luck, right?

and luck definitely exists.

did anyone bother to make resolutions this year? i have some half formed ones, dunno if i'm gonna write 'em down all official like. because that would make it ... something. we'll see! still got 3 more hours till the day is done, right?

started a thing with joe and kento et al called 365 x 6. we're gonna take a picture a day. i'm really excited actually, i think it'll be a nice way to find beauty in a picture of yesterday's leftovers, or whatever. and idk, maybe something constant is what i need this year. let's see if i can stick with it, haha.

anyway, i hope the new year found everyone safe and happy.

does it ever blow your mind that somewhere, someone is thinking about you?

even if you don't even give a fuck about them. someone is thinking about you.


oh, speaking of things that are depressing and uplifting at the same time, this:

no matter what kind of music it is, if it exists, somebody probably likes it.