Wednesday, December 29, 2010

oh my god

you are so adorable i cannot even

hypothetically speaking

Watching season 3 of the office is like hitting myself in the face with a baseball bat.

My pool cue came in!!!!!!!!!!!

As did my peanuts moleskines.

It comes with stickers! and one of them is schroeder, going "i think you have the cutest smile of anyone since the world began."

But I don't remember schroeder ever having a crush on anyone. Did he?

I mean, he sure as hell wasn't talking to lucy, right?

My God, what if it was the little red haired girl?

Monday, December 27, 2010

bitches be crazy

keep me out of this, a'right, love?

j'aurais du v2.0

the next one i have, i will treat ten million times better.

i promise.

(i'm sorry)

sometimes the best you can do to make up for past transgressions toward someone is to do better with anyone, everyone else.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I could not give up a fight

Soil and six feet under
Killed just like we were
Before you knew you'd know me
And you know me

Blooming up from the ground
Three rounds and a sound
Like whispering you know me
You know me

Saturday, December 25, 2010



Thursday, December 23, 2010

called it

at the risk of sounding really really weird (though i can't find my Give A Fuck) have you ever been on facebook and clicked around and been like

'oh! you. you are perfect for him.'

i did that with T's current girlfriend like, way back in February. it was a strange feeling, sorta.

so i'm gonna go right ahead and say that you?

you're perfect for him.

how terribly presumptuous of me!

but we shall see.

dougie dougie dougie

LOL oh yahoo answers.

"what's the best music to jerk to? (THE DANCE)"

it's like they thought, 'OMG MUST MAKE DISTINCTION' >___>

btw, i'm mildly ashamed that i'm going to phrase it like this but there's no other way.

jerking? hella fun.

...(the dance!)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

sunlight on the garden

Si j'avais seulement cinq minutes pour dire tout ce qu'il faut dire à toi; alors, lisez. s'il vous plait.

The sunlight on the garden

Hardens and grows cold,

We cannot cage the minute

Within its nets of gold,

When all is told

We cannot beg for pardon.

Our freedom as free lances

Advances towards its end;

The earth compels, upon it

Sonnets and birds descend;

And soon, my friend,

We shall have no time for dances.

The sky was good for flying

Defying the church bells

And every evil iron

Siren and what it tells:

The earth compels,

We are dying, Egypt, dying

And not expecting pardon,

Hardened in heart anew,

But glad to have sat under

Thunder and rain with you,

And grateful too

For sunlight on the garden.

_Louis MacNeice

love by nature

so i'm looking to start up piano again after neglecting it for a good year. guess i miss the couch building late nights or something, i dunno.

i thought i could do the whole 'rhapsody in blue piano solo' thing when i was perusing sheet music on amazon, but after listening to it a bit on youtube, i realized that that's not for me.

you gotta play the original version gershwin wrote, with the orchestra-- incomplete without the orchestra-- even if you don't have one. because that's the way he wrote it. and that's the way it's played.

when it comes down to it, you make do and hear the accompanying music in your head. god knows that's not gonna be a problem.

and you know, anybody who plays their repetoire solely for the sake of impressing others is just lame. you know, that guy who can't stop churning out tunes in a roomful of people that are more interested in talking to each other. because anybody who's been at it longer than a year or two knows that the real issue is the ugly underbelly. playing five measures over and over for half an hour because your fingers just don't work that way. and the triumph, and the steady progress that follows.

though, when you play for someone, that's an entirely different beast.

anyway, if you can face that head on, that's the true test of worth.

now, then you got your prodigies and people who are always gonna be better because they're naturally talented. i think they go through the same process, just quicker. and you live and let live. because you just try your best, and next time, you try to top it. and slowly, you inch forwards.

i think it's about time to go back.

Monday, December 20, 2010


do not go gentle into that good night.
rage, rage against the dying of the light.

_dylan thomas



i may have to grow up a lot quicker than i had anticipated.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

if you wanna take a ride with me

you know when you worry about something and someone says 'dont worry, there's nothing you can do about it now'?

it's not that you are really worrying. it's more that you are dreading the potential bad outcome.

and there's nothing about that you can rationalize away, darling.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

trouble trouble trouble

i like our names close
next to each other on the screen that we waste our lives over
or paper that we waste our lives
even bodies far
and uneven hearts farther
tiny letters stay still
as peace wells up and spills over the page.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

so sentimental

this morning i was eating a banana. a flying bug thing flew close, intrigued. i watched it. i watched it come closer.

SMACK, and its life was no more.

i felt moderately bad about it afterwards.

i mean, there it was, maybe just being curious about something. and all of a sudden, its life ended.

and then i thought, what if that were us? what if we're like these bugs, just gettin' on like we are. trying to do well in bug school, trying to get your boyfriend's bug friends to like you, making bug money, chillin' on the neighborhood banana. and then one day, out of the blue, unexpectedly, in the blink of an eye---


Monday, December 13, 2010

my brain. MY BRAIN.

"so, as a grad student do you actually take finals, or do they just put you in a room and beat you with sticks?"


my study breaks are involuntary daydreams. shit. tomorrow's gonna be nasty. well, looks like we're gonna have to use brute force again.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

finals, what?

i fell asleep last night at 11pm, woke up at 9 today, took a shower, and here i am.

was supposed to go to a party, but my ride bailed so instead i chose to get TEN HOURS OF SLEEP.

i feel so fucking good right now it's unbelievable.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

last super emo poast for a while, i plomise

it's too easy to fall together, but it's too hard to fall away.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


i can't keep wanting to stay away because my self discipline is shit like everyone in the world's except yours.

ain't that the way.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


when i am with you, i feel all at once less of me, and more myself than i have ever been.

like i am trying too hard to be someone else; someone better. but that i am closer to a happier state than before.

but that's all you get.

you get involuntary concessions of time and attention. push your luck far enough, or let the circumstances happen as they will, and they're gone in the blink of an eye. you won't see them for another few days again, if you're lucky.

that's all you get now.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

daily happenings

chris simmons visited me today at utc dressed as santa and handed me a teddy bear.

it has made my disposition better than it was before.

kyle was dressed as an elf.

evan had nothing to gift for his MN secret santa so he goes into the back room of utc, takes out the bin with the soldering equipment, the bin with the soldering equipment, and proceeds to solder a little human with a penny head and a sign made out of ticket stubs that says i love you. on a music stand.

jesus christ, sometimes tech really just. i dont even.

Monday, December 6, 2010

good grief

you know what i love about snoopy? snoopy is awesome.
snoopy is adorable even when he shouldn't be. he's only in it for his supper dish, and he steals linus's blanket all the damn time. he gets in boxing fights with lucy and then kisses her. ok that part is pretty adorable. but he does have his bad moods, etc.

but he loves his people. he takes care of woodstock, and takes care of charlie brown in is own way. and that signature dance!! he does things as he sees fit, with a remarkable sense of right and wrong. we never doubt that part; that he knows right from wrong. just sometimes he chooses to follow it and sometimes he really really wants that blanket.

everything about him is adorable, from that cute little rounded belly to his distinctive nose.

but you know, i have a feeling if we met a real live person like that, we would all be equally as fond :)

p.s if schroeder is any indication, stay away from musicians.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

wine wine wine

yes: i am exhausted and delirious and terrified--
and i would love to call you and tell you to come over so you could stroke my hair and tell me it's all going to be ok and maybe even just sit there and smile at me. or let me fall asleep on your shoulder
and i really really would, if i thought for a second you would come.
oh well, that's not who we are anymore.
that's not who we ever were, it's just who we could have become.

the red wheelbarrow

so much rests on so little

it reminds me of that chicken poem. that wheelbarrow poem. please read on as i take some time to find it using the power of THE INTERNET

so much depends

a red wheel

glazed with rain

beside the white

_william carlos williams

group dynamics

sometimes you have to piss a few people off and not be afraid about it to get what you want.

i'm in america. i want a presentation speaker who is decently good at english.

i'm willing to hurt a few feelings to make this happen.

auden speaks

you should have --

you should have just --

Friday, December 3, 2010

things wot i wrote when i should have been listening to professors

of all nameless faces that pass you on the street, in atlanta or tokyo or providence or montevideo; every one of them means something to somebody, more than they have ever meant or will ever mean to you.

likewise, somebody passes and your eyes widen, your face softens. and everyone, forgettable bodies already, becomes less than that. blurs. but you are not a blur, and neither are they.

this is what the world is about. this is what it means to be human and whole and alive.

that we are all the same; we yearn for happiness and peace and love -- note i did not say truth. that we are all the same, but we are immutably and intimately different to each other.

This is the bed I made. Some days it feels as though I will never get out of it.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

things are not going to be okay.

in other news, i had a dream that i was falling asleep and waking up, in my dream. i was drifting off! in my dream!!! strangest feeling ever. and then i went to go dig omelettes out of the bathroom sink.

mccallan time

i'm having 3 define the relationship talks tomorrow it's gonna be great

technically one is a define my grade in your class talk

that one is going to be extra great


i'm going to just keep a bottle of scotch in my room. jesus christ.