tl;dr

restless waiting.  dragging out a slow death while knowing the end game is making me twitchy and full of anxiety. i want nothing more than to do something, and yet i can't. currently in limbo.


tattoos intrigue me. i've resolved to get one sometime, but require more thought on where. i also can't help but think people who get them, with their proud pictures on facebook, are incredibly stupid. trust me, i'm all for it. i actually thought that tribal pikachu on your forearm was kinda cool. and those gothic wings that cover your entire back? really, really hot.

do people think before they do these things? what about your wedding dress, or company dinners or things like that? are you going to deal that inconvenience forever to gain the lust of more boys in our too-short youth? it's not unheard of, i suppose. but these people won't necessarily be working in the corporate field, where rolling up your collared shirt would be a great thing to do. or maybe having a tattoo will make them more interesting at their wedding. idk. for me, the cost is too high. more deliberation required.


i'm trying to do one thing a day that scares me, inspired by baz luhrmann's sunscreen song. i think it'll be good. it's been good. i can look back and think of situations where if i had said to myself, 'hey, remember this can be your thing for today!" i know i wouldnt have regretted it.

sometimes it's stupid shit, like working up the nerve to talk to someone i think is interesting, or throwing caution to the wind. sometimes it doesn't really matter if i do it or not, except for tiny little parts in you that become glad you did it. other times, you realize there's a reason you were scared to do it. that doing shit like this is not always going to pay off. awkward silences, funny stares, near car crash misses.

idk, it was just a thought. this past week has been interesting, to say the least. never before, i think, have i felt conflicted so many times and then ruled in favor of  'ok'. when before the ideas would have been shut down with no room even for debate or indecision.

it's somewhat of a horrible feeling. but we press on, and i'd rather feel it every day, for what it brings me.