realizing: all the people you care about and the people you admire that drive you to new heights-- they're in california. new york. chicago. boston. they're not here. very little is here.
all your friends are a patchwork because you flit, because life is too short not to meet new people, to be comfortable and stagnant. but then that means you don't integrate or solidify your ties, you don't settle in, and the people who are meaningful to you aren't meaningful to each other. dinner with friends separates into pockets of conversation. people give you weird looks when you show up. you miss the woodruff study lounge with sang and minhee. under the couch with the midnight society. you enjoy the nights, but with one or two other people. you miss when you were able to sit down at a big table and talk about something meaningful and real.
i just don't get it, you know. and i need to figure it out. it all feels so superficial. so... dependent.