life lesson no. 7462

if you know you're going to regret not doing it when you go back, and you're still there, common sense dictates you should do it.

YEAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm scared.




eta: (but fear is better than regret)

bare boned and crazy

oh my god i am crushing so hard.

i wanna stare at the planes of your face and the curve of your cheekbones down to the bow of your lips.

instead i stare at the tiny goldfish you keep in the tank above the cabinet.

fuck.

different names for the same thing

power to you, the tourist. in your floral hawaiian t shirt, and your road map and your absolutely misguided determination to visit overrated landmarks.

because your home is somewhere, and you understand that you can only have one and the world is not that small.

so maybe they'll look down on you because you havent lived like a local and you don't know where to go. but life is too short to belong everywhere. all you can do is fill your head with as much beauty as you can, for as long as you can, with as much as you have.

being a local is only half the fun.

go and explore.

I am compiling

pictures of everyone I have ever loved. half heartedly, wholeheartedly, secretly, gloriously, for love's own sake and expecting nothing back.

that includes you, sean the diesel mechanic from missouri who dipped tobacco and leaned down to catch my face clearly in the dark.

and you, boy i fell in love with at first meeting and never saw again.

and you, tim, for what a nice run it was, with your open face and worn in tees that smelled like laundry soap.

and much much more, from my brother to my sweetheart of a cousin to my second boyfriend and all in between.

then i'll print them out and put them in the large scrapbook i call my room.

WTF

construction was being did on my bus stop so i had to walk in the TAIWAN SUN like a mile away to go to the next one. i need  to find a solution fast because it's 10am and i'm exhausted and possibly dehydrated.

in other news,

Myles: lol
it's not important
also i was a farm hand
a sheep kicked me
wtf sheep
i was just trying to take your wool
not your skin
play nice

Today:

my first ever offer to ride on the back of a taiwanese boy's moped. CHYEAH

:3

TTT Orientation

There's too much to say about it, will probably have to devote a few hours to writing a blog on it next week or something.

there were a few things relationship wise that came up during whenever. they don't really have to do with orientation at all, so it's super random, but they really moved me with their deceptive simplicity:

one of the guys said this while he was drunkenly slinging his arm around his complicated is it isnt it sort of-girlfriend. it struck me as the truest and possibly most wonderful thing about relationships that i'd heard in a long time: 她是我的.

we were also talking with our counselors about whatever, and the topic of what you look for in a guy came up. she said this, roughly translated: i look for someone whom, when i see them, i can see myself marrying. ahhhhhhh one of those a ha moments, huh?