know what i mean, boys?

today prof. hackman smiled hi to me when he entered the classroom. he's one of those professors that really likes putting people on the spot, you know? he'll randomly go "and that's project valuation, guys. andrew, are you eating? what are you eating? man, that's healthy. i like tomatoes too!"

he knows my name, and he asked where i went for undergrad. by going here, i feel like i have something to live up to.

despite the dead-on impression of a deer in headlights look that i do when he calls on me (and he does so often), he seems to tolerate(? like?) me.

so you know what, hackman?

i am going to ace the fucking shit out of this class for you.

peer evaluation

wasn't prepared for that hot curl of jealousy, low and steady in the pit of my stomach. wrapping itself around my vocal chords.

but you know what they say.

keep kicking ass and being awesome.

oh...that's not what they say?

sucks for them, i suppose



but actually, you know what i realized?

we have no claim to the things we have no claim to.

we all still grasp as desperately as we can.

get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute

i started running again!! it feels so good. especially the day after, when you're pretty sore. love it love it love it.

the grass outside 8th street << grass in front of the love building. we did get in some quality grass rolling time though! that has got to be like the funnest activity in the history of the world that involves grass!

you know, among the things i'll never understand is the fact that all my post doc researchers from the physics institute? they go on facebook to play cafeworld. i just. what is this even.


so my roommate walked in at the exact moment i clicked on one of my internet friends' links that may or may not have involved a tom hardy picspam. damn, was that awkward. but considering the conversation went
bobo: hey, have you seen this buzzbags advertisement? they're offering money for eggs. i thought they meant chicken eggs?
me: .........

i'm just gonna consider that whole 3 minute exchange a wash and forget about it, possibly for  the rest of my life.


my engr econ prof really likes asking us things and saying "if you dont get it/if you can't do it by now, see me after class. because there are a few things you can do, but continuing this course isn't one of them."

this is me in a foetal position on the floor of the IC: orz

yes, i did just use the english spelling for that. i think it makes me more distinguished. is it working?

here's something.

no matter what i feel about you

i will never criticize you sincerely

and tell you you aren't important to me

not because i am against honesty

or because i am weak

but because as humans,

we never forget it.

life is too short

and there is no time for that kind of

lasting pain.

I'M OUT OF COOKIES

exerpts from a book written in my head

love, for me, will always be this: reconciling the desire to be close enough to someone that your souls are intertwined--with the thought that you are satisfied being a minute blip in their world.

make no mistake: i want to lick the tiny dip on the back of your neck, and kiss the wrinkles around your eyes and know you so completely that your competence no longer intimidates me.

i could go on for years just passing you in the hallway, marveling that you know who i am. never wanting more, just hoping for your quick smile.

it will always be this contradiction. i will never know which one, or how it's possible to feel both.

but i love you.

as long as i know that, i don't need to bother too much with the whys and hows.

maybe they were important, once, long ago, but no longer now.

life lesson no.284

i think one of the biggest lessons in life that we can learn is that we are happy to do things for those that we love. in the same way, we must understand that others are capable of feeling the same towards us, and we mustn't take that lightly.