Monday, May 13, 2013

in any case

but i do have a few things to say on the matter.

1. if it weren't for the way elliot treated annie, i would be taking this a lot harder. which is to say, he left lpei and treated her like shit, and then found someone else he liked better and treated her like gold. and if i hadn't been eased into that by him, if i hadn't gotten gradually used to the fact that that sort of thing will happen, honestly i dont know how much worse it would be to see that kevin actually takes pictures with this new girl and puts them as his profile picture. how much harder it would be to accept that he might actually treat her well.

2. the mike thing was terrible. it was terrible. he broke my heart and then i left for the summer and he found someone new and brought her to utc and all his friends were my friends and it was terrible. but i resolutely didn't unfriend him because i knew, i knew one day that i wanted someone like him in my life. he is irreplaceable. watching him perform on stage singing the isley brothers wearing blue shades, hair in disarray, he just. felt life so deeply, and there's no one else like him. i can't cut him out of my life completely, even if i want to, because he's gold. he's fucking psychedelic and it's painfully wonderful. 

about kevin
is worth keeping ex post facto?

and i wanna tell someone. i wanna gchat elysia or anyone really and proudly proclaim, i did all these things. and i felt nothing (much). he's gone now. and then i realize, after the initial desire, i just don't even feel like bringing it up. the thought of having a conversation about it tires me out, and i think that's when you realize you really getting over it. 

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