BMP 9/15

BMP 9/15: called james. 

i hate these things.

he was probably the cutest boy i dated. definitely the most fun. sad to see him go.

BMP 9/11

BMP 9/11: finally (finally) talked to jin. 

we talked about zombies.
it's kind of adorable how shy he is.

i am up to my elbows in boys, jesus.
in other news, i sorta hate how everyone knows everyone these days. it's awkward when eli tells me he met mike's gf, or wondering if chad likes her more than me, or wanting to meet daniel b, (is sleepy still trying to set us up, eep) man, everyone plays smash, or that strange look kosine gets when i mention mike's name, or brian being so nice to me these days (wtf?). or james, oh god, i've kissed eli's roommate and then there's his other roommate who was totally about to ask me out. everyone knows everyone and it's just WEIRD.

but i guess re: his gf, it's comforting that i don't ever have to wonder about midsoc. it's a petty thought, wondering about the New Girl, but it's a universally human one. so i'll have to beg forgiveness for a bit longer. people like jason and chad and kosine are all up in the air, and i like em, but they're his. it's nice knowing that midsoc's not like that. the midsoc boys are mine, and they know where their loyalties lie, and not that she would ever try like she would with his friends (naturally) but if she did, she wouldn't get anywhere. at least not anywhere ahead of me, and i love them a little bit for that certainty.

call it what you want; pettiness, irrationality-- resentment, even. call it a moment of weakness? lol don't ever have to wonder about brian, though (surprising, innit?).

wow, that was a bit of a tangent.

BMP 9/9 and 9/10

BMP 9/9: chatted up a random dude in the bookhouse pub. 

not bad! alcohol helped. it always does re:these sorts of things. 
  
BMP 9/10: ran through the campanile fountain in regular clothes. kissed a boy. stole a 'keep off the grass' sign. 

probably the best date i have ever been on. details later.

i really want this boy situation to pan out, but i don't think it will. ah well. he opened car doors for me. it was nice for what it was. and it was an awesome date.  

BMP 9/8

BMP 9/8: talked to that guy about that thing. 

urgh 

BMP 9/1

bmp 9/1: laid my drunken self down in the middle of the road outside rocky mountain pizza.

got RIGHT BACK UP in about 2 milliseconds, but STILL COUNTS cuz there was a car coming

asdf in a constant state of buzzed. in terms of beers and no liquor, i wanna say 5? 4?. viva la gameday.

BMP 8/29

BMP 8/29: waved from the back seat to the guy driving behind us.

for the hell of it. we were stopped on north ave, and randomly there were fireworks coming from the stadium! they were intensely pretty. i loooooooved them.

someone come set off fireworks with me. <3

 

BMP 8/28

BMP 8/28: talked to a guy passing by as i was on my stargazing bench. 

a lot of these are about talking to people. but people are usually the scariest things i know.  

BMP 8/27

BMP 8/27: talked to people across the hall. 

socialized! asked for a corkscrew. ;) and got one! and good times were had by all with our 3 dollar trader joes cabernet sauvignon. it's no eurowine, but. eh. made new friends!

i'll tell you a secret, now that i can.
i always liked your roommate better.

bmp826

mpb i went to the party

i love chad an jason they are my favorite and also kosine
not cuz kosine and i talk or anything but he's cool on principle i guess
and even though they'll be mike's first no matter what i still think they are the best people
ok not the best people but so damn

chil

o i guess jason is emma's?
and chad is.? ?????

now that i went to the party and mike was there and it was fine i can go to otherplaces with mike there and be ok too. ezpz!!!!

chad is the best. not that he'll ever be buddy budddy but he's one of the good ones and don't you forget that world. you better lay yourself out for him like MAGIC like he's a goddamn sorority girl at tech, world. you better make good things happen fr him.
i'll be so pissed if you dont go out of your way to make things good for him like travel and stuff
and shit mike asked me one word about europe an how do you even describe europe but no way in hell am i gonna be like, we need a few hours and a couple trappist beers because i do that with people who don't break my heart but that's what you need for europe ok. so i said unforgettable and that's all you get, a cheesy thing because that's what surface people get.

REAL PEOPLE GET BEERS

i love chad.

BMP 8/25

FORGOT TODAY, woops

BMP 8/24

8/24: gave up my seat on the trolley.

say what you will, but this has tons of potential to awkward it up. what if they don't want it? what if at the next stop, 5 new spaces open? what if they sit down and then get off at the next stop? WHAT IF EVERYONE JUST STARES? what if they're offended that you gave up your seat because they had grey hair, or looked intensely overweight?

as it were, everything went smoothly.

BMP 8/23

8/23: um, i actually didn't do anything today.

woops?  

BMP 8/22

8/22: raised my hand in class. 

what on earth has come over me? 


in other news, chad still is, and most likely will always be, the coolest boy i've ever met. maybe even more than kosine.  

BMP 8/21

BMP 8/21: Had a conversation with an adult for longer than two minutes.

Usually, i defer to one word answers and lots of feet shuffling. New roommates moved in and one of their dads mentioned he was from colombia when i asked. He had an easy smile and i only shuffled a little, maybe. talking to adults just doesn't come easy, historically.. 

BMP 8/20

BMP 8/20:  I'm going to try to do this. [points below] 


frankly, this intimidates me more than 90% of the things i did before. 


---------------------


 Thought Verbs by Chuck Palahniuk

In six seconds, you’ll hate me.
But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.

From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.

The list should also include: Loves and Hates.

And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those later.

Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”

Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”

Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.

Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.” You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’s roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”

In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.

Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.

For example:

“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”

Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.

Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.

Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”

Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail.

Present each piece of evidence. For example:

“During roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout ‘Butt Wipe,’ just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”

One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.

For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take…”

A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”

A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.

Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.

No more transitions such as: “Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.”

Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”

Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.

Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.

And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”

For example:

“Ann’s eyes are blue.”

“Ann has blue eyes.”

Versus:

“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”

Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.
And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”

Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.

(…)

For this month’s homework, pick through your writing and circle every “thought” verb. Then, find some way to eliminate it. Kill it by Un-packing it.

Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing. Be ruthless.

“Marty imagined fish, jumping in the moonlight…”

“Nancy recalled the way the wine tasted…”

“Larry knew he was a dead man…”

Find them. After that, find a way to re-write them. Make them stronger.

BMP 8/19

BMP 8/19: Went ice skating. 


I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE

BMP 8/18

so one of my resolutions this year was to do one thing a day that scared me. the first time i'd heard of it, i blinked. and then the more you think about it, the more it makes sense. do things you wouldn't normally do. conquer petty fears. adrenaline spikes. soul strengthening.

so i'd been trying to keep it up throughout the year, with moderate success. i think it would have helped/been nice to record it somewhere though. so better late than never, right?

so i'm calling it the Bogey Man Project. it was very nearly the Clown Project, as clowns are immensely more frightening than, oh, anything in the world, really. but i digress.

they really won't be anything big, either. well, sometimes they will. speaking up to someone. changing lanes. i dunno, it'll be what it is, because these fears are not contextualized by your experiences. they're contextualized by mine.

8/18:
Went on a late night drive with my father for no reason.


we are not, and never will be, the type of family that hugs and talks about feelings. we are the family of stilted conversations, awkward dinners, hurt feelings. we do not say i love you. we carry scars from decades of emotional abuse in all directions.

outwardly expressing desire to spend time with my father, of whom it took me years to forgive for past transgressions, --such an ordinary, everyday thing-- felt like such a huge concession. it's just not done. but........