thing is, i don't have time for this shit. the whole courting process of dates and 'does he like me does he not' and butterflies that makes dating so lovely and exciting and excrutiating, i just can't be bothered at the moment (as much as i would love to be). these archaic rules of ownership take a lot out of you. looking someone in the eye and saying 'you are mine, and no one else can have you. and even if she laughed at your jokes, you laughed at mine.'
i just kinda gotta do things like make dinner, and read papers, and look for a job. people will say, 'but you're not living! other people is what makes life interesting!' but we have responsibilities, but i've been doing fuck all for four years. five years. maybe if i weren't taking so many hours.
there's this one boy, and he's interesting. dangerous and intriguing and bad news though, because as much as i say otherwise, boys are predictable if you have a modicum of self awareness and two brain cells to rub together. you can usually see everything coming a mile away. the question is simply what you let happen and what you regret. i'd rather not repeat history, but things are going slowly and i'll stop it if it gets out of hand. he's cute though. can i get a what what.
but really, what this semester looks to be is four short months full of minute long exchanges with a boy i don't feel anything for anymore. they're meaningful to the extent of a phantom limb, but i get the feeling that's all i'll really let myself have at this point in time.
it doesn't really evoke any emotion in me one way or the other.
oh my god, is that emo? am i being emo? maybe i'm just really upset that i'm craving brownies and i didn't buy any box mix when i was at kroger >:|