Sunday, July 24, 2011

sitting, waiting, wishing

i know a lot of guys, and girls who don't deserve them. and maybe girls with guys who don't deserve them, and maybe some girls that deserve some guys more than other girls.

but in the end, it doesn't matter, because love and all variations thereof do not operate on a point system. 

it's not fair; it never is. it's messy and fickle and searingly brutal. it takes so much dedication, especially against the irrationality and the gradual lessening of passion. and it fucks you up, god damn. that last one's the kicker. it really fucks you up.

so you know, if you can make it work, then more power to you. maybe you don't deserve him, and you're gonna screw it all up. and maybe she's jealous of the girl who left you, that incredibly smart girl who has a radiant smile and a good relationship with her father and is Going Places. but, idk. it's kind of a shitty world, and maybe you've found someone else  and, you know, i'll be happy for you because it's just not that easy out there. and everyone deserves someone even if. there's still soupy feelings coming in from the other side. THE DUMMY NODE, IF YOU WILL. *nerds out*

or you, i don't have to like you. aaaaand i don't. but everyone deserves happiness.

no matter who it hurts. this is important. everyone deserves happiness.

the kids on the bylines who got caught in the crossfire will just have to grow the fuck up and try to understand that. 

why am i writing so much these days? what's this shit that i'm trying to get out? 

well. hell if i know, darling.

i hung out with midsoc today and it was the happiest i've been all week.
i love sitting there listening to paul talk about strange cotton shirt blends and thomas debating about pokemon cards and eli's face as he encountered a tapioca pearl for the first time. if there was ever a facial manifestation for the term, "--THE FUCK IS THIS?" it would be eli's face. and getting to see evan again, which is the always best thing ever. there is some sort of deep, deep fondness that wells up inside. i think it's the product of my incredibly annoying sentimental heart.

fuck it. you guys are my favorite. <3

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