Friday, October 12, 2012

karma II

How selfish i was back then.

Wed, Dec 30th 2009

i wonder if we'll ever talk again. i wonder if the 'x period of time' is really just code for, 'indefinitely'. you've stopped going on gchat, which i suppose is also for the best. when you're there, i just kind of stare at your name in a completely, completely pathetic manner.

this is exactly why i was prolonging the inevitable. because, strangely enough, i face a lot of guys confessing. it always seems to follow the same pattern, actions-wise. so if i am a worse person because i wanted to continue this whatever-we-had as opposed to the complete demise of our friendship, then that's what i am. sure it was unfair to you, who are looking for a long term girlfriend. mea culpa.

but with any of them... save that one REALLY persistent guy; if i could have had their friendship over pained silence, i would have feigned ignorance.  and i did. call me weak. i did it voluntarily.

you said, at some point you just have to grow a pair and do something. was there no way we could have remained friends? that eventually, you would have gotten sick of me, and the infatuation would have just faded away? is it really easier to get rid of the feelings forcefully like this? i don't agree.

but i am the one who made the decision.

so my agreement means nothing.

No comments:

Post a Comment